How To Be A Stupid Tourist

Posted on February 25, 2013 by Paul Hawkins

People are like beer. We’re all basically the same wet, delicious stuff, except that we’ve been poured into different shaped containers called ‘countries.’ While we grow up thinking that our shape of container is the correct one because we fit in it so perfectly, we look around at the others and think that their ones are a bit, well, weird. We wouldn’t fit in them, anyway - square beer, round glass, etc. When we finally do get to spend a bit of time in other containers, though, we realise that all of the other beer is the same as us -- except in a different shaped container that it assumes is the correct one too, just like we did. How silly of us. That’s when we become slightly smarter tourists, drink more, and start to enjoy different kinds of beer as well.

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However, some people are more like ice cubes, and it doesn’t matter which container you put them in, they’re still fucking ice cubes, bumbling around at the top of the glass and ruining...

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Posted in howtobea

The 8 stages of learning German

Posted on February 21, 2013 by Adam Fletcher

Below are fictional diary entries. The diary of the average German learning expat, at least as I imagine them. Together they document the 8 stages of German language learning. Many do it far quicker and with commendable commitment, though most, I imagine, follow a path this haphazard. I did and am now at step 7.5. My German still sucks, and I’ve lived here for five years. I’m not judging or mocking anyone for how much or how little they’ve learnt, because that would be very hypocritical when I’m still this bad and, to be honest, I’m really just not interested. Learn it or don’t learn it. Up to you. Each to their own. That’s why we moved here in the first place, right? More freedom to live as we want without being judged. Okay, then let’s go...

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Posted in german

How to be German in 20 easy steps - part 2

Posted on November 12, 2012 by Adam Fletcher

This design is available as poster, t-shirt and bag in the store.


Welcome would be Germans. If you came here randomly, you'll probably want to read steps 1-10 first at Venture Village. Ready? Let's continue.

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